all of a sudden

people know how to do everything the right way, when before they never did it.
i dont know if will ever go anywhere in life, thats how i feel right now. maybe its because im not out and about as much as i was before. Its like what happened to me?

where

am I going? What am I going to do?

long day

went to the beach, had a good talk with josh on the way to franks house. I am so lost without you god there is really no way i can do this alone. I know better, I am nothing without you.  Lord I need your strength and keeping power. Help me when I am in need. I am listening to The Glorious Unseen right now. Lord i need you more and more each and everyday. Forgive me.

i opened up my bible

and this scripture was right there. Jeremiah 16:5-13

why dont you just give up.

is what i am telling myself right now. Why am I trying if all that ever seems to happen is the same thing, am i wrong for the way I feel? I am human just like everyone else. I want to move out and be on my own, it is like I have been on this same path the last 13 years. What makes this time any different? Still the same struggles just a different city, a different time. A normal life seems kind of nice right now, but then again would I really be very happy? Would things really be any different? It is like I am screaming in the middle of a forest for God to save me, and he can't hear me because of all the trees sheltering my voice. It feels like no one really knows how I feel right now, but then again of course people out there do right? I don't know why someone would drop it all to follow their one passion, even if it means struggling in every aspect of life. Here I am doing the same thing for myself it is not selfish at all. These dreams get put into our heart to follow and not let anything get in the way. So why should I be upset? I just want to give up on my family, music, band, god, work, anything that I enjoy and sacrifice my time for. It's like everyone else can do what they want, and then when it comes to me it is not the same story. I have to be perfect when I am not.